


second time round

by artsypolarbear



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Childhood Friends, Counsellor Lexa, F/F, Nurse Clarke, Oblivious Clarke, Pining Lexa, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-07-10 12:48:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6985825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsypolarbear/pseuds/artsypolarbear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>when estranged childhood best friends both end up taking up jobs at the very same camp they met up at, it's impossible for them to avoid one another. for five years, clarke and lexa have successfully avoided one another, and by just chance, they're forced back together in the very same place they first met years before. </p><p>or</p><p>the summer camp AU where Lexa's been pining for a thousand years and Clarke is a mess</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> alrighty, summer's here and so is camp!

An age-old bus – green, not yellow, with flowers painted on the side – clambers its way up a hill, and then down it, and then up another, and then, finally, it’s arrived at its destination. The dust of the road takes a few seconds to settle, it’s been two weeks since it’s last rained, and there isn’t a single cloud in sight.

When the dust settles, a camp comes into view, and the kids on the bus burst out talking all at once.

An identical bus, this one blue, comes to a stop beside the green one, and beside it, a pink one appears. The counsellors in the buses have their hands full keeping all the kids in line. Everyone’s excited now that the buses have stopped at their destination, and excitement practically buzzes electrically in the air as all the kids are talking and yelling over one another.

“I call dibs on being in the cabin with my best friend!”

“I call top bunk!”

“Everybody sit down, and quiet!” yells the counsellor in the green bus. She’s got dark skin, which looks even darker against the white t-shirt she’s wearing, and sharp eyes in which now there is a commanding glare. The shirt’s got some kind of logo, a circle of sorts with some decorations, and around it, there’s the name of the camp: Camp Jaha.

She’s scary and her tone of voice is commanding, and so everyone sits down, though the talk doesn’t quiet down entirely. The front of the bus, where the littlest campers are sat, is quieter than the back. At the very front, beside a boy she doesn’t like and has decided never will, sits Lexa.

She’s the youngest one in the camp. Or that’s what she’s sure of, anyway. She’s just shy of ten, and everyone here looks years older.

She doesn’t want to stay.

“Alright, everyone, we’re going to do this in an _orderly_ way – and that means you, too, Lincoln –“ The counsellor says, pointing at a boy with a bald head and laughing eyes. “I’m Indra, and I’m a counsellor here at camp Jaha. Some of you will be under my care this summer, and some of you won’t.”

“I hope I won’t,” mutters the boy next to Lexa.

“I heard that, Murphy,” Indra says sternly, though there’s a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “And you’re in my group.”

“Darn.”

Indra ignores him and addresses the bus entirely again. “Anyway, we’ll do this row by row. First rows first, last rows last. Got it? And outside, you’ll get your bags, in an _orderly_ fashion – no running, we’re not in any hurry – and then I’ll call out your names and you’ll be put into your cabin groups.”

Lexa feels her stomach churn when she gets out of the bus and sees the camp. There’s log cabins and trees everywhere, a sparkling blue lake and a big sign over the entrance to the camp that reads “Camp Jaha” in big block letters.

The air’s fresh and smells like pine trees, smells like the woods at home, and she’s quickly overcome with the desire to leave.

But she can’t. She promised her mom she’d be good.

She takes her bag and goes to stand where Indra tells her. One by one, girls come to stand near her, each years older than her. Most of them ignore her, and for good reason – she’s just a kid, most of them are thirteen or older, and they have no business talking to a little kid.

Lexa feels left out until one of the girls, with dirty blonde hair and long skinny legs, comes over and gives her a little nudge. “Do you talk?”

Lexa glances at her. “I do.”

“What’s your name?”

“Lexa.”

“I’m Anya, I’m in your cabin.” the girl says. “I’ll be looking after you a little, if that’s okay.”

She doesn’t smile, not with her lips anyway – but her eyes are kind, and Lexa feels a little better. “Okay.”

“I’ll be right over there if you need anything.”

She goes off to talk to her friends, and Lexa’s once again left alone. She stands there and fiddles with her braid, undoes it twice before all the kids have unloaded from the buses and managed to get their own bags.

They’re then told to go to their cabins, and Lexa half drags her bag, until Anya comes over and picks up the other handle, and helps her. Lexa flashes her a shy smile, and Anya laughs before saying: “You’d never make it to the cabin without my help, it seems.”

Lexa frowns at that. Of course she could – she’s not as small as all the bigger kids seem to think.

But she doesn’t mind Anya’s help, because her mother has packed her bag far too full of things that only make it weigh more than she’s able to carry.

Their cabin is near the shore, a simple one made from logs and with a black roof, and with the number 14 written above the door in white paint.

“Home sweet home,” one of the girls says as they step in and start picking beds. There’s arguments and negotiations over who gets top and who gets the bottom bunk, who gets the bigger drawer and whatnot.

Lexa stands near the door shyly, unsure of what to do.

Anya notices, and comes over. “Do you want the top or bottom bunk? There’s one extra, so you can pick whichever you want.”

Lexa picks the bottom bunk. She’s the only one without a bunk buddy, and feels left out again. Quietly, she puts her things into the little dresser beside the bed, into the drawer allocated to her. There’s one mirror in the cabin, and six bunk beds, and nothing else.

“Lunch and the welcome speech is in an hour,” somebody announces, peeking their head into the cabin. Some of the girls shriek – it’s the boy from the bus, Lincoln.

“Go away, Lincoln!”

He laughs and leaves, and Lexa’s left a little curious and jealous at his apparent air of coolness.

She sits on her bed picking at her shoelaces for about twenty minutes, her discomfort growing with each minute – she’s alone, she’s only seen a handful of kids her age and they’re all in different cabins, and she doesn’t know anyone.

_“Mom, I don’t want to go.”_

_“Nonsense, baby, it’ll be fun. I used to go to Camp Jaha.”_

_“I don’t want to go.”_

_“You’ll make lots of friends and have a wonderful summer. It’ll only be a month.”_

_“I don’t want to.”_

_“Look, sweetheart, Mom needs a vacation too. Not from you, but just some time for herself, ok? You’ll be fine at the camp. It’ll be so much fun.”_

_“I don’t think it will.”_

_“Be a good girl for Mom, baby.”_

And that’d been that. Lexa sighs and ties her shoelaces for the fifteenth time.

“Hey?”

The voice is that of a girl’s, and Lexa looks up to find a girl her own age looking at her with a bright smile.

“Is the top bunk free?”

Lexa nods.

“I’m Clarke,” the girl smiles, and extends her hand.

Lexa hurriedly pushes her glasses up a little and shakes her hand. “I’m Lexa.”

“How old are you, Lexa?”

“Almost ten.”

“I’m almost nine,” Clarke tells her as she promptly sits on the bed next to her. “Everyone here is so old.”

“Yeah.”

“Wanna be friends?”

Lexa glances at Clarke, and pushes her glasses up again. She does that when she’s nervous.

“Uh, yeah. Sure.”

 

* * *

 

Lexa looks at the old worn t-shirt hung on her wall and smiles. It’s six years later, and it’s her last summer before her sophomore year of high school.

 _Camp Jaha 2003_ reads on the front of the light blue t-shirt. It’s small, it was big when she first got it, but now it’s too small to fit her.

There’s scribbled flowers on the bottom, and drawings all over the shirt. She let Clarke draw on her, after all, on her skin until the counsellors yelled at them for it, and so Clarke settled on decorating her shirt.

 _Clarke & Lexa BFFs 4eva _is printed on the back in blue glittery paint – it was a project, made using halved and carved potatoes. Clarke’s got an identical one in her room, only hers is green.

Well, technically Lexa’s had been the green one and Clarke’s the blue. They’d switched on the last day of camp.

They’d gone back to the camp each year after that. Clarke lives in the city, Lexa in the country, but they meet every now and then – sometimes Clarke comes to Lexa’s home for the weekend, and last spring Lexa had gone to Clarke’s for a full week.

They text and call each other whenever they can.

After all, they’re best friends.

There’s a knock on the door, and her mother pops her head in. “Lexa, honey, the bus is here.”

Lexa grins at her and grabs her bag, already packed and ready, from her bed. “I’m coming.”

She’s wearing the necklace Clarke made her on their first summer. Most of the beads have fallen away, but there’s still two left – a blue one a red flower and a green one with a smiley face.

She’s also wearing shorts and last years’ t-shirt – it’s a tradition among returning campers, to show they’re Jaha-veterans.

The bus ride that once terrified Lexa now feels like returning home.

When she sees Clarke, she jumps and hugs her. Clarke always comes on the pink bus, that goes all the way to the city, and always comes a little later.

“Lexie!” she cries, and hugs her tight.

Lexa just laughs and hugs her even tighter. “Missed you.”

“Missed you too.”

“Guess what?”

“What?”

“We’re in cabin 14 again.”

Lexa gasps. “No way.”

“Yes way.”

 

* * *

 

It’s the last day of camp, the end of summer, and Lexa is nervous.

She’s been burning to tell Clarke how she feels all summer, but has never got the chance.

But tonight she’s going to do it. Clarke takes her by the hand at the bonfire and leads her off to the woods, so that they can be alone – she’s looking so pretty, in her ragged t-shirt and messy hair with braids and scraped up legs and knees, making Lexa feel all sorts of weak.

She stops, whirls around, and her eyes gleam in excitement. “Guess what?”

“What?”

“No, you have to guess.”

“I don’t know.”

“Guess.”

“Ok, you got a puppy.”

“You’re a lousy guesser.”

“Tell me.”

She grins wildly and glances around as though to make sure nobody hears. “Finn kissed me.”

Lexa’s stomach drops, and she’s glad it’s so dark. Otherwise Clarke would surely see her expression has grown sour.

Finn, the boy from the camp across from the lake, with floppy greasy hair and okay-ish looks – nowhere near Clarke’s league, by Lexa’s standards.

“Lexa?”

“Hm?”

“You’re very quiet.”

Lexa scrambles for an answer. As if on cue, she catches sight of a firefly, and nudges Clarke’s arm. “Look. Fireflies.”

Clarke gasps and they watch the fireflies for a while, little dancing lights circling them, and Lexa can’t help think this would be an incredibly romantic moment to tell Clarke.

But she doesn’t.

She forces herself to smile when they return to the bonfire and Clarke goes over to hold Finn’s hand. It’s a joint event, with the other camp – some mechanics camp, space camp or something, called Arkadia. Finn and some other boys are from that camp, and Lexa’s half pissed that they’re there.

She turns her head when Finn wraps his arm around Clarke’s waist and gives her cheek a kiss. Clarke’s laughter rings in her ears, so beautiful it hurts to know she’s not it’s cause.

She goes to bed early.

The next day, she and Clarke exchange goodbyes, and Lexa sheds a few tears.

She always does.

The whole bus ride home she feels awful, not only because summer’s over, but because she missed her chance.

By Christmas, Clarke and Finn are a solid item.

Lexa sends Clarke a stuffed raccoon and a book as a gift.

Clarke sends her a mug with a raccoon’s face and socks, with the tag – _I know your feet get cold._

When it comes time to sign up for camp, Lexa doesn’t.

She and Clarke have drifted apart. Clarke barely noticed – she’s enthralled with Finn, and swept up in her new art-focused high school. She’s living her life, and having fun.

Lexa hates that she’s not a part of it, but is also thankful that she isn’t there to see Finn and Clarke together.

The next summer, on the day that camp starts, Lexa gets a text from Clarke.

_Why aren’t you here?_

Lexa spends half the day wallowing in pain and guilt, trying to think of a reason.

She ends up lying.

_Mom couldn’t afford it this year._

She turns her phone off and goes out into the fields for a run.

When she comes back, she’s got one last text from Clarke.

_Oh. Pity._

They don’t talk after that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> graduation was yesterday fyeah no more responsibilities now i gotta adult  
> and by adult i mean write fanfics

“Lexa, dear, the sheep’s got out again.”

Lexa, halfway across the living room, freezes and groans. “I have to leave.”

“Get the sheep first.”

“Anya’s waiting for me-“

Her mother doesn’t raise her eyes from her reading, she only gestures at the porch door. “Then hurry up and go get the sheep.”

“Mo-om-“

Lexa’s mother sighs, sets down her book, and looks at her over her reading glasses. “It’s _your_ sheep.”

Realizing it’ll only waste more time to argue, Lexa grumbles and sets down her duffel bag.

“Her name’s Marjorie,” she mutters as she passes her mother on her way out into the lawn.

Her uncle’s napping in the hammock, basking in the summer sun. Right beside him, hiding in the cool shade of the oak tree, is Marjorie, Lexa’s black sheep.

Her baby, as uncle Nyko calls it.

She manages to coax Marjorie to go around the tree and not wake her uncle, and leads her back to the meadow that she was supposed to reside in.

“Look, Marj,” she sighs, crouching before her sheep and taking it’s soft head into her hands. “I’m going off again. You can’t give Mom too many headaches, ok?”

The sheep doesn’t reply, but within it’s deep brown eyes there’s a challenge, one which Lexa knows all too well.

“I’m serious. No solo trips, ok?”

She gives her sheep one last hug before standing up and heading off. It’s ten in the morning, and the sky is clear – the fields stretch out before her, and to her right their apple orchard is fast-growing it’s produce. The air smells of summer, of peonies and roses and dry dust, and she can’t help but smile.

It’s summer, and she’s gotta go again.

As if on cue, a car approaches on the dirt road that runs in between the fields and the orchard, from the main road to their house. It’s a big white one, with a red tile roof and a porch all around it, and flowerboxes hanging from almost every window. The garden around it is also filled with flowers, most of which are only now approaching their full bloom – there’s roses and lilies and peonies, and irises and carnations – every flower one could think of has been stuck somewhere, into a pot or a bucket, in a haphazard manner that somehow makes the whole garden look half like a mistake. It looks more like someone had just traipsed around tossing seeds here and there. In the most uncommon places there are sky blue bunches of forget-me-nots, peeking from here and there – Lexa still remembers being five and deciding orderly gardening was for sissies and putting the seeds wherever she liked.

It’s relaxed and messy, with little garden gnomes peeking out here and there, and it’s probably Lexa’s favorite place in the whole world. She and her aunt, Becca, share a love for every kind of flower, and have spent a good deal of time and effort into building the surrounding areas of the house into a wondrous garden.

As Lexa walks across the lawn to the house, she can hear the chickens in their coop, and in the distance, she hears the neighing of a horse – hers, she can recognize Wilbur’s sound anywhere. Her heart twinges a little when she once again faces the fact that she’ll have to leave all her dear animals and friends behind.

She shakes it off when the car parks in front of the house. “Come on, Lexa, we have to be there in two hours and it’s a two-hour drive!”

Anya looks annoyed, but Lexa just sticks her tongue out and rushes off inside the house to get her bags. She gives her mother one last kiss goodbye, and one to her uncle too – he’s woken, it seems, just in time to see her off.

Her aunt’s not there at the moment, but she’s already said goodbye to her.

“Have fun at camp,” her mother tells her. “See you in August.”

Lexa nods and hoists her bags up into her hands, one in each. “See you.”

“I’ll have the bath ready to scrub the two-months’ worth of dirt off of you.”

Lexa laughs and goes off. Anya’s leaning out of the window, sunglasses pushed up to her head so that she can shoot her a proper glare.

“Get moving, Woods, you know Indra doesn’t like us being late.”

“Calm down, Anya. The campers aren’t coming for another week. She won’t kill us for being late.”

“She might. Now get in.”

 

* * *

 

It’s agonizingly hot, no matter what she does.

With the covers, it’s like she’s descended to the seventh circle of hell.

Without, it’s the same, only she’s also entirely uncovered, and uncomfortable laying naked and exposed.

She’d wear pajamas, but that’d surely bring her down to the eighth circle of hell.

The mattress is sweaty, everything is sweaty, and the age-old fan that sits by the bed squeaks every few minutes. The street outside is too loud, it’s hot, humid, and uncomfortable.

In short, Clarke can’t sleep.

She tosses around, sweaty and uncomfortable, and groans. She has a headache, a persistent one, one which she’s had ever since the air conditioning in her apartment broke almost a month before. No amount of water or ice can remedy it, and she’s been increasingly fussy with each passing day.

The phone that she’s set aside buzzes with a new text, and with a groan, she turns around and reaches for it.

**Finn (03:47)**

_U up?_

She groans again when she realizes the time.

**Clarke (03:48)**

_Too hot to sleep._

**Finn (03:48)**

_Just heard a thing you might be interested in._

**Clarke (03:49)**

_It’s almost 4am._

**Finn (03:49)**

_Trust me._

**Clarke (03:51)**

_Shoot._

**Finn (03:51)**

_You still in need of a job?_

**Clarke (03:51)**

_Yes…_

**Finn (03:52)**

_Camp Jaha’s looking for a nurse for the summer. The nurse they had apparently had a family emergency and isn’t available._

**Clarke (03:52)**

_Are you serious? Camp Jaha?_

**Finn (03:53)**

_What’s wrong with that? You’d be close to me, and it’s still a job…and it’s cooler here than in LA._

**Clarke (03:54)**

_Ok, worth a shot._

**Finn (03:54)**

_Try to sleep._

**Clarke (03:55)**

_Impossible._

 

* * *

 

She ends up sleeping about two hours or so, and wakes up grumpy and in dire need of coffee.

Before she runs off to work, however, she takes a look at the number Finn sent her.

Her finger hovers over the call button for almost five minutes until she finally sighs and presses it.

Her stomach twists when a familiar voice answers the phone.

“Camp Jaha, how may I help you?”

“Hi, Indra, this is Clarke Griffin-“

“Oh, this is a nice surprise,” Indra says. “What are you calling about?”

“You needed a nurse?”

“Oh, you’re applying?”

“Yes, I’m certified and all, just finished my studies, and I’ve got all summer free. Finn told me about the opening.”

“I haven’t even put up the listing yet.”

“Well, there’s a job, isn’t there?”

“Yes…how about you email me your certifications and whatnot, and we’ll see.”

Clarke smiles. “Thanks, Indra.”

“I’m quite certain that if all your certifications and papers are in order, I’ll be glad to have you back here for the summer.”

“Well, I’ll email you my details, then.”

“Yes, you’ll find our email from the website.”

“Great. Thanks. I’ll hear back from you then, yes?”

“I’m sure you will.”

* * *

Two days later, Clarke piles all her clothes into one bag and gets on a bus out of town and into the mountains.

The ride is long, as long as it always was.

It’s odd going back after so many years.

Of course, the bus doesn’t go all the way – she’s dropped off at the centre of the town about half an hour away from the camp, and is supposed to be picked up from there.

The bus leaves, and she’s left standing in the middle of the town’s main street with her bag in one hand and backpack in another. It’s a Sunday evening and there’s nobody around, and for a moment, she thinks she’s been forgotten.

But then a car comes into view, and she sighs in relief. She recognizes the driver, too, and smiles.

“Griffin?”

“Reyes,” Clarke smiles, and nods. Raven looks like she always does, with sunglasses and her hair up in a ponytail, a wide grin on her lips.

Clarke tosses her bag into the back and climbs into the pickup to be met with a tight hug from her friend.

“Couldn’t believe it when I heard you were coming.”

“Well, here I am.”

“I can see that,” Raven chuckled as she drove off. “Haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Yeah, no, I’ve been busy-“

“Hey, hey, I get it. You had to graduate first. Congrats on that, by the way.”

“Thanks.”

“So you’re now a fully certified nurse?”

“Yep.”

“And you come here.”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“I had to get out of LA,” Clarke sighed. “Way too hot to even think.”

“Ah. Cool mountain air, hm?”

“Yeah.”

_Something like that._

The drive back fills Clarke’s head with so many memories it’s spinning. She can still recall the excitement and the joy of getting on the bus, each bump of the road feels so familiar – every rock and tree, road sign and all, they’re all etched in her memory, and each memory makes her smile a little more.

It’s a bittersweet thing to remember, however, and so she shakes her head and focuses more on Raven’s chattering.

By the time they reach the camp, she’s heard all of Raven’s tricks and accomplishments from the past year – of the robots she’s built and the job she’s up for in the autumn, of her mother’s move to San Diego and everything else. She tells Raven about Finn and her studies and how it was exhausting finishing them, and then they just chatter on.¨

“It hasn’t rained in ages. They say the whole summer will be hot and sunny, so you picked a good time to come back.”

Clarke smiles. “It’s weird to be back.”

Raven parks the car and looks at her. “But good, right?”

“I suppose.”

“No bed time for us adults, you know.”

“You child.”

“Oh, shut up. Now let’s get you settled, Indra’ll meet you when she comes back from town around four.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke gets her own room in the nurse’s cabin, which is half the nurses’ station and half her own quarters – there’s a separate room for her, a bed, a desk, and a drawer on which the handle doesn’t work. Raven promises to take a look at it, when she can.  She's the camp’s all-round handyman. Or, handywoman, as she calls herself.

The curtains are blue and smell of dust and mosquito deterrent, and there’s one candle sitting atop the dresser.

She leaves her things as they are and decides to go take a shower. The bus had no air conditioning, and she’s still sweaty and exhausted. A nice cool shower ought to do the trick to refresh herself up.

A towel and some clothes in hand, she leaves her cabin and makes her way to the showers, only a short distance away. The path is familiar, as is everything around her – she knows the cabins and the trees and the lake, the shore and the docks and the canoes aside it.

After her shower, freezing cold due to a lack of hot water, she dresses in some other clothes and ties her hair up into a pony tail. She checks one bathroom stall and is disappointed to find that the doors have been repainted – in the one on the far left, she’d written her name, and a little further down, the text ‘Lincoln stinks’.

“I suppose not everything’s the same,” she mutters as she wanders out of the door.

She’s not looking, nor is the person whom she runs into as she steps out of the showerhouse. She collides with someone and as a result, they both stumble and Clarke falls down with a cry.

She looks up, but the sun blares into her eyes, and she doesn’t at first see who it is.

When she does, she freezes.

Lexa, standing before her, is equally as frozen, gaping at Clarke with wide eyes. She doesn’t offer her a hand – no, she doesn’t even think to, she’s entirely in shock and surprise of seeing Clarke after so many years.

“Clarke?”

“Lexa?”

Neither of them know what to say. Clarke gets up, dusts herself off, and Lexa’s still there, unmoving, with eyes as wide as ever. By the time she realizes that she’s made Clarke fall and failed to help her up, Clarke’s already standing again, and she’s flustered.

“Sorry, I wasn’t looking-“

“No, I wasn’t-“

They speak over one another, and shut up at the same time to let the other speak.

Lexa’s the first one to get a word in. “What- um, what are you doing here?”

Though it isn’t meant in a harsh way, the words are still curt and void of much feeling, and Clarke’s slightly hurt.

“I’m the new nurse.”

Lexa nods, and curses herself that she didn’t think to ask Indra about the new nurse when she’d had the chance. Now she’s thoroughly embarrassed herself, and is fighting the urge to bolt off entirely.

“I see.”

“And you? Are you working here, or are you still coming to camp?”

Lexa laughs dryly. “No, I’m a counsellor and I help out with the management.”

“I see.”

Silence falls again, and Lexa clears her throat. “Well, um, I gotta go…management stuff, you know.”

“Right. I’ll see you around, I suppose.”

“Yeah. See you.”

Lexa hurries off, and Clarke’s left to stare after her.

Her hair’s in a braid like the day she first met her, her face is the same only older, but she’s an entirely different person now. There’s a coldness, something stoic about her, a front that she put up the instant she saw Clarke.

There’s a tattoo on her ankle, and another on her arm, and Clarke wonders what got her to change her absolutist ‘no tattoos or piercings ever’ stance.

When Lexa disappears from view, Clarke realizes she’s been staring, and starts off back towards her cabin.

“This’ll be a fun summer,” she mutters.

Way off at the far end of the camp, Lexa stops running when she’s reached the shore. Without much more than a breath, she sheds her shirt and shorts, and runs into the lake – she’s wearing her bikini underneath, as she usually is, and is deep in the shimmering blue waters in no time.

Amidst the small lapping waves of the cool waters, she doesn’t think. She just swims and clears her head.

When she returns to her cabin, she throws herself into the bed, so loudly it cracks and almost breaks – she freezes, waits to see if the age-old bed will break on her now, but it doesn’t.

“Great,” she mutters, “Just great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> marjorie and wilbur are my faves tbh  
> awkward flustered lexa is going to be a thing and awkward confused clarke is confused


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was supposed to update yesterday but there was a storm and the electricity went out for a good while, but here it is  
> i'm still going to do the every 3 days updates i think that's a reasonable time frame

When Clarke goes to meet Indra at the main house a little later on, she sees Lexa again.

More specifically, she sees Lexa turn on her heel and drag Anya along with her off elsewhere, despite having been headed Clarke’s way not a moment before she saw her. Bewildered and slightly offended, Clarke hurries her steps to the house and into Indra’s office, trying to shake off the twisting feeling in her gut that was refusing to leave.

Indra looks the same as ever. Clarke’s welcomed with a smile and a firm shake of hand, and then she takes her seat in the chair across from the desk – this isn’t the first time Clarke’s sat here, though it is the first time she’s seated there and not been in any kind of trouble.

“How are you settling?” Indra asks as she flips through some papers. “Everything in order in your cabin?”

Clarke nods. “My dresser’s broken, but Raven promised she’d fix it.”

“And the infirmary? All’s in order there, I hope?”

Another nod. “Yeah, I think so. I’ll do a more thorough check, I haven’t quite finished up looking through and locating everything.”

“Well, you have three days till the campers come.”

“Yeah, I’ll get it done by then.”

Indra leans back in her chair and studies Clarke, her eyes slow and not missing a single detail. “So, you know half of my staff, I think.”

“I think so, yeah.”

“There’s Anya, and Raven, and Lincoln of course – though he’s as much a nuisance as he is of help. Jasper’s taken over his father’s supply runs from town, so you’ll be seeing a lot of him too.”

Clarke nods.

“Oh, and Lexa, of course. But you probably met her already, I remember you two were basically attached at the hip-“

Clarke bites her tongue. “Uh, yeah, we sorta drifted apart, but I did see her.”

“Oh. Well, anyway, there’s some more staff for you to meet – you’ll see them at dinner.”

“Six like always?”

“Just so.”

“Now,” Indra says, takes a few papers and hands them to Clarke. “I think you should look over your contract, so that we can have that out of the way. You’ll have three meals a day from here, and access to the few cars we have here – when they’re free, of course. And you’ll get a cell phone, which I’ll bring you tomorrow. Just for emergencies.”

Clarke nods. “I understand.”

“And, of course, you’ll get the staff hoodie – I had yours made, as I already told you on the phone when I asked for your size. It’s here, actually.”

Clarke takes the hoodie into her hands and looks at it. It’s a deep blue in color, with the camp’s logo on the front in green and white and yellow, and on the back, there is the text ‘Nurse Clarke’ in yellow.

“Always wanted a hoodie,” she grins. “But we campers never got them.”

“Well, now you have one.”

Clarke nods. “Yeah.”

“How does it feel to be back?”

Clarke lets out a sigh. “Honestly? It’s weird.”

Indra laughs and stands up. “I suppose it is. Last time I saw you, you had only just started high school. Look at you now, all grown up.”

“No more acne, that’s for sure,” Clarke jokes. “Well, significantly less, anyway.”

“I’ll see you at dinnertime, then.”

Clarke nods and goes her way, out of the big house and along a path to her cabin. She enters to find Raven sitting on her floor, a whole array of screws in her hands, glaring at the dresser.

“I take it your ‘five-minute-fix’ isn’t quite five minutes?” Clarke chuckles.

Raven shoots her a glare. “Look, it would’ve been five minutes, but the damn dresser is jammed. I can’t even open it to get the first handle out.”

“Oh, that’s the problem?”

“Yeah?”

Clarke laughs as she walks over with a hair pin and slides it into the small crack. After a little of wiggling and winding, the dresser opens just enough for her to slide her pinkie in to pull it more. In no time at all, she’s got it completely open.

“Clearly you never stayed in cabin number 5,” Clarke chuckles as she notices Raven’s wide-eyed stare. “I do hope you’ve fixed that dresser, too.”

“We replaced that one, one of the girls decided to _glue_ it shut out of spite.”

Clarke sits on her bed as Raven does quick work of fixing the dresser and replacing the drawer handle.

“It doesn’t match, but I don’t think that matters, right? Seeing as none of the handles match one another.”

Clarke shrugs. “Doesn’t matter.”

“An artist like you, one might think it could.”

“Nah.”

Raven packs up her toolbox and stands up, a grin on her face. “Hey, you’re free now, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Ok, come with me.”

“Not until you tell me where we’re going.”

“Well, first we’re going to drop off this toolbox, and then we’re going to grab a couple of beers and go to the secret spot and drink and talk. Properly.”

“Alright…but which secret spot? There’s like ten.”

“The one with the tire.”

“Alright.”

* * *

The secret spot with the tire meant a little cove along the shore of the lake, just a short distance from the boat shed, with an old willow tree hanging over the water, an age-old tire hung from the largest branch of the tree. The bark of the tree is littered with carvings from campers old and new – there’s some dating back to the 60s when the camp was first founded, there’s basic ones like ‘counsellor – sux’ and hearts filled with initials of sweethearts. There’s flowers and skulls and random markings, and, on the base of a branch curving into a sort of bench, there’s a carved circle with _C &L_ _BFFS4EVER_.

Raven climbs first, a six-pack in her hand, making her way up the sloped trunk of the tree with ease. Clarke follows suit, and deliberately places her hand over the circle so as to not see it.

Even so, she knows it’s there.

There’s another mark on the tree, too.

A heart, with F+C carved inside it.

That one’s at the very base of the tree, big and visible to everyone. Clarke had hated that Finn had picked such an obvious place to put it.

“Man,” Raven sighs as she settles amidst the branches and swings her legs in the air, “I can’t even remember how many crushes’ names I’ve carved on this tree. Probably a billion.”

“Most likely,” Clarke nods.

“That one’s mine,” Raven says, pointing to a flying saucer carved just left of Clarke’s hand.

“I know, I was there when you carved it, and subsequently fell from the tree when Indra caught you.”

Raven cracks open a beer and takes a sip while tossing Clarke another. “As I recall it, you were supposed to keep watch.”

“I got distracted.”

“Yeah, by a kitten that Lexa found.”

“It was a _kitten_.”

“And you were ten. I forgive you.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and takes a sip. “Was a long time ago.”

“Yeah. Now we have hoodies instead of t-shirts.”

“True.”

For a long while, they sit in silence, swinging their legs and staring at the water below. The tire-swing turns slowly in the gentle breeze, and the sun dances upon the still water – it’s so clear you can see the bottom, at least nine feet deep, but crystal-clear enough to show the rocks and bits of wood and the reeds, slowly swaying in the waves.

“Have you seen Lexa yet?”

Clarke sighs and takes a long sip from her drink. “Yeah.”

“What’d she say?”

“She asked why I’m here.”

“And what’d you say?”

“I answered her.”

Raven nods. “I still don’t know why you two…you know.”

“Drifted apart.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know either.”

“You thought she was mad at you for something, right?”

Clarke sighs. “I don’t know.”

“Is she still mad?”

“I don’t know,” Clarke mutters. “But she doesn’t seem very keen to even talk. It’s just awkward.”

Raven nods again and gives her a little nudge. “You’ve got the whole summer. Maybe you got a second chance.”

“A second chance at what?”

“Getting your best friend back?”

“She’s not my best friend.”

“She was.”

“Well, she isn’t anymore. It’s been almost years, and we’re not kids anymore.”

“She’s nice, you know. Fun.”

“You’re friends with her?”

“Sort of. Never was much around her, but she’s been working her longer than I have.”

“She has?”

“Six years, I think.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Maybe you should talk to her.”

Clarke shrugs. “I don’t think I can avoid it.”

“True, you can’t.”

“How’s everyone else?”

“They’re great.”

“How’s Gina? You haven’t said a word about her.”

“That’s ‘cause we broke up,” Raven says, making a sour face.

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ancient history.”

“Still.”

“Eh.”

Clarke, suddenly at a loss for words, picks a leaf from a branch and watches it fall down to the water.

“I think dinner’s soon,” Raven sighs after a while.

“Yeah.”

“We should probably go.”

“Yeah.”

“Wanna move your ass, Griffin? Or do I have to push you into the water?”

“Don’t you dare!” Clarke cries, scrambling a little ways off. “I’ve got my phone-“

“I won’t, chill. Just get moving. It’s lasagne day and I want some of the crust.”

* * *

The experience of walking into the dining hall and finding it almost entirely empty is a surreal experience for Clarke. In all her years at camp, not once was the dining hall as quiet as it is now – there’s only about fifteen staff members in total, all seated at the end of one of the long tables. There’s three long tables, each enough to seat about fifty, if you sat tightly – but that was how it was at camp. Elbows in other people’s plates and the clatter of utensils on plates and the chatter of all the kids, that was commonplace.

Now it is almost entirely silent as Raven and Clarke make their way to the line and get themselves plates full of steaming hot lasagne. They sit where everyone else is sat, taking their places at the very end of the bench, and Clarke’s almost relieved to find Lexa’s not there. She’s not sure she’d be able to handle the awkwardness now, with everyone gathering to introduce themselves and having to try and focus on remembering each face and name and knowing them too.

She’s made a decision, at the back of her mind, to confront Lexa about whatever it is that’s between them. Whatever it is, she wants to get past it. She wants to understand and to be at least civil, and, most of all, she doesn’t want her summer ruined by having to avoid her.

Not to mention she hates the idea of having to avoid Lexa. Though it’s been years since they’ve talked or seen one another, Clarke still remembers. The idea of being back at camp with Lexa has also kindled hope for reconciliation, though that hope Clarke simply pushes aside and ignores.

 _It is what it is¸_ she thinks. _We’ll see._

* * *

Lexa stands next to the doorway to the dining hall, unsure of whether or not she should go in. She’s annoyed and flustered, she doesn’t know what to do – she doesn’t know how to act around Clarke.

She doesn’t know whether to be friendly or cold, she doesn’t know anything – the fact that her heart twists a little just at the thought of Clarke is enough to make her frown, and it doesn’t help that time has been gracious to Clarke. If Lexa at fifteen had thought Clarke the prettiest thing she’d ever seen, Clarke now was far beyond that.

In short, the brief meeting they’d already had was enough to make Lexa’s head spin.

She walks into the dining hall late and is relieved to find that the only seat left is on the far end of the table, nowhere near Clarke.

“Ah, Lexa! We were wondering where you’d got to,” Monty greets her, smiling widely as ever. “You remember Clarke, right?”

Lexa nods as she passes the table on her way to get some food. “Of course I do.”

She glances at Clarke and gives her another nod. “Hey.”

Clarke looks bewildered, but smiles after a moments’ confusion. “Uh, yeah. Hey.”

Lexa tries to forget about the blue of her eyes for the rest of the evening, but to no avail. Despite being seated so that she can’t see Clarke, she’s painfully aware of her voice over anyone else’s, and when she hears her laugh, her stomach churns and her chest aches with yearning.

“You okay, Lex?” Anya asks, eyebrow raised. “You look green.”

“I think the milk I drank earlier had gone bad,” Lexa mutters. “I’ll be fine.”

“Ah.”

Anya leans in closer and lowers her voice. “It’s got nothing to do with the new recruit, does it?”

Lexa shrugs. “It’s a bit weird.”

“It’ll be fine, I’m sure. It’s not like you two dated and broke up or anything,” Anya jokes.

“Yeah, that’s true.”

Anya misses the quietness of Lexa’s voice, or the little sigh she lets out. She smiles and pats her shoulder, and then tells her to finish up her food.

After dinner, Lexa’s the first to leave, hurrying her steps to her cabin. Halfway between the dining hall and the staff cabins, however, she’s seized by Clarke’s voice calling her name.

“Lexa! Wait up!”

Lexa freezes without even thinking and turns around to look at Clarke, who’s hurrying towards her.

“Yes?”

Clarke takes a moment to catch her breath and Lexa remains there, eyeing her carefully, not sure what to think or what to expect.

“Look, Lexa, I-“ Clarke begins, looking at Lexa properly for the first time in ages. She falters when she sees Lexa’s eyes, dark green in the darkness of the evening, full of a question and void of any warmth.

“I don’t know what happened between us, but I for one – well, ok, I really don’t understand. But we’re stuck here for the summer, so can we maybe bury the hatchet? If there’s one? ‘Cause really, I don’t even know if you’re mad at me or-“

Lexa is watching Clarke, arms crossed and posture fixed and patient, when she’s cut off by another voice from the parking lot.

“Clarke!”

Lexa catches the surprise in Clarke’s eyes when she pauses and turns to look at the parking lot, where a young man with unmistakeable floppy brown hair is waving from the window of a pickup truck. Anger flashes within Lexa’s chest, and she digs her nails into her palm as she watches Clarke glance back and forth between her and Finn.

“Um, I’m sorry, I think I gotta-“

“Yeah, no, I understand. Go,” Lexa tells her. “We can talk later.”

“I’m really sorry.”

Clarke looks apologetic as she rushes off to the parking lot and to her boyfriend. Lexa just sighs and turns her back before she sees Clarke kiss him, knowing it’d only make her angrier and hurt more.

 _It’s been years,_ she thinks to herself as she kicks a stone off the path on her way to her cabin. _I can’t believe they’re still together. Why him?_

The evening is dimming and beautiful, but she pays no notion to it. No, she goes to bed without her usual evening swim, despite it only being quarter to eight – she’s tired and needs a break, needs to sleep so she’s not constantly thinking about everything, and so she crawls into her bed and shuts her eyes.

Back on the other side of camp, Clarke is standing outside Finn’s car, his hand in hers and her head on his shoulder. The evening breeze runs gently through the trees before them, rustling the lively green leaves as it moves on further across the valley.

“Who was it you were talking to?” Finn asks, nudging her gently.

“Lexa.”

“Lexa? As in-“

“Yeah, the best friend Lexa.”

“Oh. What’s she doing here?”

“Working.”

“I see,” Finn says quietly. “You’re okay with that?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Finn shrugs. “I just remember you were very upset when she pulled away.”

Clarke doesn’t say anything. She’s more focused on the sour taste that Lexa’s name had left in her mouth after she’d said it, and the empty feeling in her chest that she hadn’t thought of for so many years.

“You miss her?”

Clarke lets out a breath and nods. “Of course I do. She was my best friend.”

“How are things now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you still not know what happened?”

“No. No idea.”

Finn nods and kisses her forehead gently. “You’ll figure it out.”

“I suppose I will.”

“I mean, look at us. We broke up for how many years? Four?”

“Five,” Clarke corrects him.

“And here we are.”

“True.”

“So you can still fix it.”

“If she wants,” Clarke mutters. “I don’t know if she even cares that much.”

“I’m sure she does,” Finn tells her. “And I’m sure she had a good reason to pull away. She’s not a mean person.”

“I know.”

Clarke yawns widely, so widely her eyes tear up. Finn sees her exhaustion and takes her hand, and without a word, begins to lead her to her cabin.

“You need to rest,” he tells her. “It’s late and you’ve had a long day.”

Clarke smiles and walks him to her cabin, where he kisses her goodnight.

“You know where to find me if you need me.”

“I do.”

“And you’ll figure this Lexa thing out,” he says. “I know you will.”

“Good night, Finn.”

“Good night.”

Clarke watches him walk away, his words ringing in her head.

 _You’ll figure this Lexa thing out_ , she repeats to herself. _You will._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lexa is turning out angstier than what i thought but it's too precious not to do it


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while but personal life took precedence  
> and i'm back so here you go, an extra long chapter

The next two days, Clarke is very busy with setting up her own work space in an organized manner – her predecessor appears to have had little to no mind in the ways of organization, and so it takes Clarke over a day to set up the cupboards and drawers so that she can easily find a bandage or scissors whenever need be. She has her own little coffee pot in the corner, and an arm-chair – Indra warned her that most of her days will consist of sitting around waiting for a possible accident, and so she suggested Clarke make herself comfortable.

Clarke cleans and dusts her room as well – the sheer amount of dust that leaves the mattress is enough to have her coughing and sneezing for the rest of the day, much to Raven’s amusement.

When the day comes for the campers to arrive, Clarke gets to see for the first time what the excitement of the staff looks like. She knows very well what the excitement in the buses feels like – the tension and the electricity, the little buzz in the air – but it’s nothing compared to the anticipation here at camp. Here, there’s tension and anticipation, excitement and a little bit of fear, all mixing together and making the dining hall at breakfast seem like it’s about to explode. The silence is overbearing, and Clarke isn’t quite sure what to say or what to do.

When Indra stands up and claps her hands, everyone looks to her, and she smiles.

“Yes, the campers are coming today, and I know we’re all anxious. But it’ll be great like every other summer has been, I’m sure – so long as everyone does their part. The welcome speech is like always, right after everyone’s settled into their cabins. For that, I’ll need everyone, not just the counsellors. Just hang out around the parking lot and see that everyone finds their place and their things. Raven, Lexa, and Monty – you’re on t-shirt duty. And Lincoln is doing something, a show, right?”

“Yep,” Lincoln grins, “A little show. Something fun after your speech.”

“Are you saying my speech won’t be fun?”

“Not as fun as what I have planned.”

“Fair enough,” Indra nods. “So long as it doesn’t involve breaking anything.”

“It doesn’t…not literally, anyway.”

There’s some laughter and snickers around, but they quiet down as Indra hands off instructions and tasks for everyone to do. Everyone's due to be in the parking lot to receive the campers at eleven, but, after finishing up helping Raven organize the benches for the welcome speech, Clarke finds herself with nothing to do. Since she's only a little early, she heads over to the parking lot in advance.

By sheer coincidence, Lexa is there also. Clarke watches her from afar at first, curious to get a proper look at her – Lexa’s avoided her so effectively she’s barely seen a proper glimpse of her for days. Her hair is up in a messy bun, and the hair at the nape of her neck looks wet, darker than the hair at the top of her head. She’s most likely only just gone for a swim, and Clarke sighs, wishing she could be in the cool lake instead of standing in the parking lot with little to no protection from the glaring sun.

She kicks a rock on the ground, and Lexa glances over her shoulder in her direction. For a brief moment, they look at one another, and Clarke tries to think of something to say.

Before she can, however, there’s the rumble of an approaching bus, and she looks down the road to see a cloud of dust where the buses are evidently approaching. Clarke sighs. She’s growing tired of Lexa avoiding her, of failing to even get more than a few words and a glare out of her.

 _If I just knew **why**_ **,** Clarke thinks to herself as she heads over to the first bus to start unloading the bags, _I could try and fix it._

* * *

 

The campers are tiny, Lexa remarks as she directs them to their respective groups and helps the littlest ones with their bags. She can still recall her first time at camp, and how her bag was as big as she was – there’s many kids like that, tiny little kiddos who look terrified and shy, all of whom Lexa just wants to swoop up and coddle. She wants to make sure they all have the best summer they could, and is especially excited when she heads down to the registration table to start handing out t-shirts. Her group for this year is the littlest ones – ducklings, as she’s started calling them in her head. Her youngest camper is just seven years old, and isn’t hard to miss. A tiny little boy, a foot shorter than everyone else, makes his way over to the t-shirt table, and with the brightest smile Lexa’s ever seen, introduces himself.

“I’m Aden,” he grins from under a mess of golden curls, his grey eyes shining with nothing but excitement. “I’m gonna need a really small shirt.”

Lexa can’t help but smile, and reaches over for an XS shirt.

“I don’t like red,” Aden complains. “Can’t I have a blue one?”

Lexa looks at the piles of shirts, and shrugs. “If you ask nicely.”

“Please may I have a blue shirt?”

As she hands the shirt over, Lexa smiles. “There you go. You’re in my group, by the way. I’m Lexa.”

“Oh cool!”

He’s off before Lexa can say anything else, and more campers come over to get their shirts. She’s kept preoccupied by that until the start of Indra’s welcome speech, which she only listens to with half an ear – it’s essentially the same speech every year, and she knows it by heart.

She heads over to the outdoor stage when she hears Indra’s speech end, just in time to see Lincoln’s act.

Clarke’s leaning on a tree on one side of the group, and so Lexa makes sure that she’s as far from her as possible.

Lincoln’s act is a skilful mess of juggling and breakdancing and expert showmanship – the kids are enthralled, while the counsellors laugh in the back as Lincoln jumps through hoops and misses some of the water balloons he’s juggling, drenching himself in the process. It’s an amusing show, if not a little haphazard and chaotic, but by the end, the kids are teeming with excitement and clap for ages.

“Thank you, thank you,” Lincoln grins, waving as though he’d just completed a show at some grand stadium. “Now, everyone to your cabins – lunch is at one, like always, and today’s pizza day, so you best hurry up!”

The benches empty up quickly enough as the kids hurry off to get their bags and go to their cabins. The counsellors head off in their respective areas to see that everyone finds their places alright and that the assignment of beds doesn’t result in any disputes.

Lexa’s wandering around the shore when she’s caught up by Murphy. “Lexa, the dresser in cabin 8 broke down, and Indra needs you to go get one from the storage.”

“Why won’t you do it?”

Murphy raises his hand, showing off the bandage wrapped around it. “Sprained wrist, remember? Have fun, she’s sending someone to help you carry the dresser.”

Lexa grumbles but sets off on a jog down the trail to the storage, which stands a little ways’ off in the woods. It’s really an old cabin, now turned into a storage room full of old beds and chairs and folding tables and god knows what else. There’s a persistent camp rumor that one year a camper died in the cabin, and that it was now haunted – it was nonsense, really, but made for a great campfire story. One year, some older campers had even changed the numbers of the cabin, which originally had been cabin number 19. The storage was now the ominous cabin 13, and none of the campers dared go near it.

When she gets to the cabin, she finds that she was alone. The door is wide open, and so, presuming that her helper was already inside, Lexa steps in.

* * *

“Clarke!”

Clarke whirls around to find Indra waving her over. “Yeah?”

“I need you to go to the storage to help carry a dresser to cabin 8,” Indra tells her.

“The storage?”

“Cabin 13,” Indra waves a hand. “You know where it is, I’m sure.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.”

Clarke heads off towards the woods, and in no time at all, finds the cabin in question. She’s standing a few feet from the cabin when she hears a stifled shriek from inside, followed by Lexa, who runs out, slamming right into Clarke in the process. Clarke falls to the ground, air knocked out of her, but doesn’t have time to react or ask what’s going on before Lexa’s already pulling her up. She catches a glimpse of a mass of fur in the doorway of the cabin, and her heart grows cold, and without further questions, starts running towards the camp.

“No!” Lexa cries, grabbing Clarke’s wrist and yanking her towards her. “Not the camp, there’s kids there! It’ll follow- just come!”

Lexa darts off into the woods, and Clarke, very aware of the growls of the approaching bear on their heels, runs after her. The forest floor is full of branches and logs and roots, and it’s all she can do to not trip as she tries to keep up with the brunette running in front of her. Lexa’s faster than her, and Clarke feels as though with each step her legs get heavier and slower. She can hear the bear behind her, and picks up her pace, her chest hurting and legs already feeling all too tired.

Suddenly she can no longer see Lexa, and despair hits her – but then she feels a hand grabbing her arm again, and she’s yanked to the side, accompanied with a hiss from Lexa: “Come on, this way, I think I know where we can hide.”

This time, she doesn’t let go of Clarke’s hand as they run through the woods, the bear still on their trail. Clarke glances back once, and almost freezes from fear – it’s a black bear, huge and terrifying and still following them.

 _I don’t want to be bear meat,_ Clarke thinks in her head as she runs with Lexa. _I’m too young to be eaten._

Suddenly they come to the edge of a small ravine, maybe thirty feet across and about ten feet deep. At the bottom there’s a river, and the edge itself is rocky and steep.

“There’s a cabin there, see,” Lexa pants as she looks for a footing on the rocky slope.  Clarke looks down the river, and sees a tiny cabin on the other side of the river.

Clarke can see that there is no footing whatsoever. There’s a flat patch of ground on the shore of the river, and without further thought, she jumps off the ledge and down into the ravine.

She hears Lexa’s cry, and the landing is rough; she rolls over, landing half in water, but is relatively unhurt, and gestures for Lexa to follow.

Lexa hesitates twice, and jumps on the third try.

Her jump falls further than Clarke’s, and when she collides with the ground, she falls forward into a rock, shoulder first. A sickening crack sounds in the air, and Lexa cries out. Before she can even properly register the pain, Clarke’s at her side – everything moves so quick there’s no time for any thought other than _‘we need to get to the cabin now’_.

Clarke glances up and sees the bear standing on the edge of the slope, growling at them. When she sees that the beast is about to pursue them down into the ravine, she wraps an arm around Lexa’s waist, slings her good arm over her shoulder and hoists her up.

“Come on,” she mutters, gritting her teeth, “The cabin’s not far.”

Lexa limps alongside her, and by the time the bear’s made it’s way down to the shore of the river, they’re almost at the cabin.

Clarke tries the door once, but it’s jammed.

“Clarke, the bear-“

“I’m trying!”

When the bear’s not thirty feet away, she manages to push the door open, and they stumble into the cabin. Clarke whirls around and shuts the door, setting the plank in place on the two hooks set on each side of the door. Just when she’s done so, there’s a loud thud when the bear hits the door with it’s paw. There’s growling and more thuds, and then, everything quiets down.

They’re both panting.

"Holy..."

"Shit."

For a long while, they both just catch their breaths. But then Clarke hears a groan, and turns around to find Lexa sitting down, leaning on the wall, face twisted in pain.

“You alright?” She asks, coming over to kneel beside her. Lexa tries to shy away from her, but Clarke groans. “Look, I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m a nurse and I can help-“

Lexa nods. “Fine, fine.”

There’s a nasty scrape on her shoulder, which Clarke judges to be dislocated.

“I’m going to have to relocate your shoulder,” Clarke explains as she looks around the cabin for something to make a sling out of. She’s overjoyed to find a first-aid kit in the corner; even though it most likely originates from times before the war, she still manages to find a useable sling that she prepares.

“It’s gonna hurt.”

Lexa nods and looks away as Clarke settles her leg onto the wall to get a proper grip.

When her shoulder’s popped back into place, she lets out a loud cry, bends over, and gasps for air. “Holy fuck!”

Clarke looks apologetic as she pushes Lexa back up so she can tie her arm into place. “I’m sorry,” she mutters, “But it’ll stop hurting a little. Or it should.”

“Are there any painkillers in that bag?” Lexa asks, gritting her teeth. “Please say yes.”

Clarke looks over the contents. “Only what looks to be a mixture of opium and morphine…and I’m not giving you that.”

Lexa lets out a wearied laugh. “I could die.”

“Exactly.”

Silence falls in the cabin, and for a second, Clarke thinks the bear’s gone.

A growl from right outside the wall where she is makes her shriek and get away from the wall. Lexa chuckles, and Clarke shoots her a glare. The brunette just looks away and shrugs, and Clarke huffs, only now taking her first proper look at the cabin they’re stuck in.

There’s not much in the cabin; a few cupboards, a table, and a chair, and a copy of the New Yorker from October of 1977.

“Does anybody ever use this cabin?” Clarke asks after a while.

“Lincoln does, when he comes fishing.”

“So there’s a chance someone will find us here? If the bear doesn’t leave?”

Lexa shrugs. “I guess.”

Clarke nods and looks over at the cupboards. She’s thirsty – the few miles of running have made her throat parched, and with no escape, she’s left to hope that there’s _something_ to drink in the cabin.

“What are you doing?” Lexa asks when she sees Clarke get up.

“We’re gonna be here for a while,” Clarke answers, “So I’m going to check if there’s any food or stuff like that.”

Lexa sighs. “We’re missing pizza day.”

“I know. Sucks.”

Clarke manages to find a bottle of water expiring in December and an unopened bottle of whiskey. “Thirsty?”

Lexa shrugs. “I guess.”

“I hate whiskey,” Clarke decides, setting the whiskey aside.

“So do I.”

“We can share the water.”

Lexa’s quiet for a second. “We should ration it.”

“That’s what I was thinking.”

Clarke checks one more cupboard, and finds three Twinkies in it. “Hey, look – food.”

“You sure those haven’t gone bad?”

“Twinkies never go bad.”

Lexa rolls her eyes. “I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Well, taste it and see,” Clarke tells her, tossing her a Twinkie. Lexa catches it, but doesn’t make any move to open it.

“I’ll eat it when I get hungry,” she explains. “I’m not hungry now.”

Clarke nods, and, once again, silence befalls them. Outside, the bear is pacing around, grunting and growling in almost even intervals as though to remind them of it’s existence.

 _I can’t believe this,_ Clarke thinks bitterly as she takes a small sip of water, _She’s still avoiding me, even though we’re stuck here together – I don’t even know what I’ve done._

Annoyance grows within her over the next half an hour, during which Lexa does little besides pick at her hair and stare at the door. Finally, when Clarke’s had enough, she comes over and sits down next to Lexa, hands her the water bottle, and says: “Can we talk?”

Lexa glances at her, and shrugs.

“Look, have I done something to you?” Clarke asks. “I mean, ok, I get that we sorta drifted apart, and I’m sure it was as much my fault as yours, but- well, ok, you didn’t show up for camp- no, I’m getting carried away. My point is, it’s been years, Lex-a.” She stumbles over Lexa’s name, almost ending it just as ‘Lex’, how she’d used to call her. She adds the ‘a’ just by force, quickly feeling that there’s no closeness between them that would allow her to call Lexa ‘Lex’ again.

Lexa’s watching her now, but remains quiet. Suddenly uncomfortable, Clarke squirms a little and plays with her hands. “I know it’s awkward, but…you can’t avoid me all summer, ok? And I- if there’s something I’ve done, if I’ve offended you or something…can’t you tell me?”

Green eyes are staring at her, somehow darker in the hazy light of the cabin. Lexa’s looking at her from under her brows, as she does when she’s questioning something, and Clarke feels as though she daren’t even breathe. But she doesn’t move, no – she just waits, for what feels like ages, when in reality it’s only a little over a few breaths’ of time.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa finally says, her voice quiet. “I guess…I guess it’s just weird, that’s all.”

Clarke waits.

“It’s weird seeing you after all this…time,” Lexa continues, “And I don’t-“

She falters for a second. She’s determined not to tell Clarke the real reason she’s avoided her, and for a moment she recalls Finn. Anger flashes in her again, and she sighs. _A little honesty won’t hurt._

“I just don’t know how to talk to you.”

Clarke eyes her, and then, cracks a careful smile. “That’s alright, I don’t either.”

Green eyes meet blue, and, for a brief second, neither of them say a thing. But then Lexa looks away, though a hint of a smile creeps onto her lips, and Clarke gives her a careful nudge. “Come on, we’re probably gonna be stuck here for a while. What’s happened in your life, these…what, six years?”

“Seven, I think.”

“Right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kinda rewrote the pauna scene, ain't that fun?  
> also bby aden is already too precious


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ended up longer and gayer than intended, but it's entertaining anyway

_“Come on, we’re probably gonna be stuck here for a while. What’s happened in your life, these…what, six years?”_

Lexa thinks for a while. A while too long, she thinks, judging by the way Clarke’s started fidgeting when she finally gets a word out of her mouth.

“Well…I survived high school,” she starts. “And went to college.”

“Where?”

“Arkadia College,” Lexa shrugs. “Nothing that big, really, just one in the state so I could always get back home if I needed.”

“What did you study?”

“Still studying,” Lexa corrects her. “Philosophy.”

She notices Clarke trying to add up the years, and so she adds, “I had a gap year.”

She doesn’t tell her that she had two gap years after high school where she just worked and worked, trying to get enough money to go to college. She doesn’t mention that the reason she didn’t go out of state wasn’t exactly money, but because of her family – they needed help on the farm, and still do.

“Ah. Right.”

There’s a bit of silence. “How about lacrosse? You were really good at it before.”

Lexa’s a bit taken by surprise that Clarke remembers that. “I quit in my senior year. Didn’t have time to both study and go to practices, so I picked studying.”

“I see.”

Lexa shifts a bit. “How about you? How’s life been for you?”

Clarke sighs. “I switched high schools after my sophomore year, and my second one really wasn’t the best. But I did okay, and then got an art scholarship. But I picked nursing school instead, I wanted to get into a career and I’ve always liked the idea of being a nurse. And, besides – I still have time for my art, so it’s all ok.”

She doesn’t tell Lexa that the reason why she switched high schools was because her parents got divorced and she moved with her mom to another state.

She also doesn’t tell her that she became a nurse so that her mother wouldn’t have to worry about her.

Lexa wonders, but doesn’t ask, despite remembering very clearly how adamant Clarke was about never following in her mother’s footsteps, in any way or form. She sees the slight hesitation in Clarke’s posture, and shrugs it off – if she’s going to keep things back, there’s no reason for her to be offended that Clarke’s doing the same.

“And Finn?"

This time, her voice doesn’t break, doesn’t reveal the anger that flashes in the pit of her stomach when she says his name – it doesn’t sound venomous, only slightly strained.

“What about him?”

“It’s been years,” Lexa shrugs. “Not everyone stays with their high school sweethearts that long.”

Clarke sighs. “We didn’t really. When I left for the other high school, we split up. We only got together again about two years ago after we met through some friends. Coincidence, really.”

Lexa looks away, feeling relieved. At least they weren’t somehow in sickly sweet eternal love and on the fast track to marriage.

“That’s nice,” she forces out.

“How about you? Any boys on the scene?”

Lexa almost laughs at the question, whirling to look at Clarke in surprise.

_Me? Boys?_

Clarke interprets her surprise as offense, and goes to apologize. “Sorry, that was probably too personal-“

“I’m gay,” Lexa blurts out.

She didn’t mean to say it, but it came out, and now she stares in horror at the girl who made her realize her sexuality in the first place, as said girl tries to come into terms with what she’d just heard.

“You’re gay?”

Lexa nods, the fear and terror of coming out only hitting her after the fact. She’s at a loss for words, watching Clarke carefully, trying to see if the surprise on her face is from shock or disgust.

“That’s…nice,” Clarke stammers. “No, sorry, I don’t mean this to be awkward, you being gay isn’t weird, I didn’t mean to sound weird, it’s just that- that, I’m surprised, and really, it’s not weird, well, ok, I don’t know any gay people, and I’m sorry if I assumed you were straight and I’m rambling….please stop looking at me like that.”

Lexa’s looking at Clarke with amusement in her eyes and a smile tugging at her lips, listening to her ramble and letting her go on and on until she finally tells her to stop.

“I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that,” she shrugs. “It just came out-“

“Pun,” Clarke interrupts.

“You were always doing that,” Lexa chuckles, “Pointing out puns.”

For a second, Clarke thinks on it. “So that’s why you never had boyfriends,” she deduces. “And why you seemed so squirmy when we talked about boys.”

Lexa nods, though it’s only a half-truth. The other half is that she was uncomfortable because it was _Clarke_ talking about boys she liked and having boyfriends.

“Ok, so let me try again- any girls on the scene, then? I am curious, after all.”

Lexa shrugs. “Not at the moment.”

“That implies there _was_ a girl…” Clarke nudges her carefully.

“Later,” Lexa says. “I’m going to check if the bear’s still there.”

She gets up with some struggle, shrugging off Clarke’s hand when she offers to help – ‘I’m not an invalid, Clarke’ – and walks to the window.

She sees the bear, curled up near the door, apparently asleep. Even in it’s sleep, the bear looks terrifying, and sends shivers running down Lexa’s spine.

“It’s still there,” she sighs. “Have you tried calling anyone?”

“I don’t have my phone.”

“Mine’s out of juice.”

“So I guess we’re stuck here.”

Lexa paces around the room for a bit, apparently frustrated and stressed. Clarke notices her frustration, and, to distract her, says: “You wanna tell me about this old girlfriend of yours?”

Lexa pauses and stares at her, but says nothing.

“Come on, we’re gonna be stuck here for a while. You know about Finn, I’m dying to know about this girl.”

After a breath of contemplation, Lexa shrugs and comes over to sit next to Clarke again.

“It’s…well, okay, there’s been more than one girl…”

“Nice.”

“Who do you want to know about?”

“Well, okay, very first question – did you date Ashley?”

Lexa stares at her. “How’d you guess?”

“You spent half your summer with her and half with me. I just thought she was another best friend to you, since I was off with Michael a lot, but it makes sense now…oh my god.”

“What?”

“That time,” Clarke gasps, laughter brewing in her stomach, “When you two-“

“What?”

Clarke laughs, and Lexa’s left frowning, trying to get a word out of her.

“Clarke, what’s so funny?”

“You two kept getting your necklaces stuck or earrings stuck in your hair,” Clarke giggles, “And you said it was because you were hugging, but- you were making out, weren’t you?”

Lexa suddenly flushes. “Shut up.”

Clarke’s still laughing, and Lexa’s conflicted. On one hand, she’s annoyed – and, on another, Clarke’s laughter is one of the prettiest sounds she knows.

“You think that’s funny? There’s one story you’ll die to hear.”

“Oh, please tell me,” Clarke says quickly.

“We got our braces stuck once,” Lexa tells her, a smile tugging at her lips.

Clarke bursts out laughing, and somehow, Lexa can’t help but join her. For a long while, they’re doubled over, laughing, Clarke wiping tears from her eyes as she gasps inaudible words like ‘oh my god’ and ‘no way’.

“That’s kinda like something that happened to me, once,” Clarke giggles when the worst is over. “My hair got stuck in Finn’s pants’ zipper once.”

Lexa stares at her. “What?”

“No, but wait – it wasn’t because we were doing something dirty, ok? He wanted to _braid_ my hair, so I sat down and somehow some of my hair got tangled in his zipper.”

Lexa chuckles at the thought.

“And the worst part? His mom walked in on us trying to get my hair out.”

“Oh god,” Lexa laughs. “No way.”

“It was so embarrassing I wanted to die,” Clarke tells her, trying to act serious and failing miserably.

“Wait, wait,” Lexa says suddenly. “Have you heard what Evan did? Cause I met him last year, and-”

 

* * *

 

Meanwhile back at camp, lunch had ended, and all the kids head to their assigned counsellors for their first activities and further briefing.

There’s seven groups of kids, arranged roughly by their ages, but only six counsellors present.

“Where’s Lexa?” Monty asks, glancing at the group of confused and lost-looking little kids to his right. “Those are her kids.”

“I don’t know,” Murphy shrugs. “All of mine are here, so I’ll just focus on keeping them that way.”

“You try calling her, I’m going to go make sure the little ones don’t get lost,” Monty tells him.

“Alright, mr. Boss,” Murphy mutters, for which he receives a few giggles from his group of pre-teen campers.

He rings Lexa’s phone once, then twice, but to no avail.

“She’s not answering,” he tells Monty. “Do you want to tell Indra, or should I?”

“What did Murphy do this time?” Anya asks as she walks over.

“What makes you think I did anything?” Murphy interjects, feigning offence. “I haven’t done a thing. Your bestie’s missing, that’s the problem. And her children have gone rogue.”

“They haven’t gone rogue,” Monty sighs, gesturing at the kids who are standing behind him, neatly in two lines. “But Lexa is missing. And not answering her phone.”

“Well, she can’t be at her cabin, I just came from there and knocked to see if she wanted to walk with me but I thought she’d just already come here.”

“Well, clearly, she hasn’t.”

“I didn’t see her at lunch either,” Anya recalls. “She’s never late.”

“This isn’t good,” Monty says quietly, so as to not alarm the kids. “The kids are getting restless, and I can’t watch after forty kids on my own, especially not the little ones. What do we do?”

“We leave ‘em with Anya,” Murphy says. “Come on, kiddos, this way, let’s go!”

He leaves, and soon after him, Monty leaves as well, mouthing apologies as he goes.

Anya’s left standing in the field surrounded by her own group and Lexa’s, thirty-something kids in total.

“Are we going to do something, miss Anya?”

Anya sighs. “Soon we will. I just have to figure out what to do with the little munchkins first.”

Just then, she spots Raven walking towards the cabins, whistling as she goes, hands in her pockets and looking as carefree as ever.

“Hey! Reyes!”

Raven stops. “What?”

Anya gestures for her to come over, and Raven jogs across the field, looking confused. “What?”

“You haven’t seen Lexa, have you?”

Raven shakes her head.

“Great, you get to babysit her kids until she shows up,” Anya grins. “Enjoy.”

“Wait, what? No. No.”

“Yes.”

“No way, I am _not_ babysitting some snotty rugrats,” Raven says in a lowered voice.

“Please? I- I really need your help.”

The slight begging makes Raven quirk and eyebrow, and Anya groans as she sees Raven’s trademark smirk creep onto her face. She leans in closer to ensure the kids don’t hear what she says next, and Anya already regrets ever getting herself in this position.

“Buy me a beer later, and I’ll do it.”

“The nearest bar is thirty miles away, Reyes.”

“That’s my price, pay it or don’t,” Raven shrugs.

Anya sighs. “Fine. But you’re driving.”

“Then how am I supposed to drink that beer?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” Anya mutters. “Now take those kids, figure out something fun for them to do that won’t kill them, and god forbid you teach them swear words or pranks or anything of the kind.”

“I’m sorry, do you not trust me with the kids?”

“Truthfully? No.”

Raven huffs. “Alright, munchkins! I’m Raven, and I’ll be your entertainment this afternoon. You guys wanna go on a special tour of the camp?”

“Yeah!”

“Let’s go!”

Anya’s left shaking her head as Raven marches the fifteen kids off towards the shore.

“Alright, now we’re going to go to the field, and play some games,” she tells her own group of kids. “You guys know where it is, right?”

The kids all nod.

“The ones who don’t, follow the ones who do. And if you still get lost, it’s right down this path that we stand on. Shouldn’t be too hard. I’ll walk, and meet you there.”

The kids set off, and Anya whips out her phone instantly and calls Indra.

“Anya? What is it?”

“Lexa’s missing,” Anya sighs. “Won’t answer her phone, she wasn’t at lunch. No idea where she is.”

“She never disappears like this.”

“No, she doesn’t.”

“Do you think something’s happened?”

“I sure hope not.”

“I’ll look into it,” Indra says. “How about her kids?”

“Raven’s got them.”

“How’d you manage that?”

“I’m going to need your car,” Anya answers.

“What for?”

“I promised I’d take Raven for a beer if she took the kids.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, you focus on your kids, and I’ll find Lexa.”

 

* * *

 

Indra grumbles to herself as she walks around the camp. Still no sign of Lexa, nowhere at all, not to mention that now, Clarke is missing as well. Luckily Lincoln’s injured camper only needed a band-aid, but, nevertheless, the absence of not one but two staff members is getting on Indra’s nerves.

She’s gone around everywhere, called both their phones, and yet, no answer. She’s been everywhere – the boathouse, the dining room, even checked the parking lot to see if a car’s missing.

Nothing.

The one last place she still hasn’t checked is the storage cabin. They shouldn’t be there – she sent them there hours ago – but she checks anyway.

When she gets to the cabin, she first notices the door that stands wide open. She checks inside, and frowns; the cabin is wrecked, chairs are broken and scattered like a whirlwind had passed through. The stench of a wet dog surrounds the area, and when she turns around, she sees one clear paw-print on the ground.

“Oh…my god,” she gasps. There’s no doubt they’re bear tracks, leading into the woods on the trail of what seems to be two peoples’ tracks. “Christ.”

Indra’s already got her phone, and hurries away from the cabin back to camp, all the while hitting the speed dial on her phone for the county’s sheriff.

“Ton DC County sheriff’s office, how may I help you?”

“Could you get Marcus on the phone?”

“Just a minute.”

Indra waits anxiously for the few seconds it takes for the line to crackle and then to hear Kane’s voice.

“Indra?”

“Hi, Marcus,” Indra sighs. “I’m gonna need you here.”

 

* * *

 

It takes about an hour or so for a proper search party to be organized and for the volunteers to set out into the woods, tracking the bear’s trail. About half a mile in the forest, however, where Lexa and Clarke had darted to the side, the trail disappears, muddled amidst various other tracks, and the search party is forced to spread out to find the girls.

Meanwhile at the cabin, all is silent. The bear is pacing around the cabin, slowly, grunting and growling with every few steps, it’s rumbling breaths enough to pass through the log walls and to frighten Lexa, who’s leaning against the wall, half asleep.

It’s been hours, and she’s bored out of her mind. Her shoulder hurts, a lot, and she’s starving – they’d eaten the Twinkies some time back, but they did little to ward off hunger. The water’s almost gone, too, and the whiskey is looking more and more tempting by the minute.

It’s getting dark, too – though the sun is still a few hours from setting, it’s fallen down low enough in the sky that it’s now behind the hill. Lexa can hear the crickets and the bear, and the occasional growl of her stomach, along with Clarke's little noises.

Clarke’s asleep, curled up in the corner. Her hair’s fallen over her face, half covering it, her hoodie folded up under her head as a makeshift pillow, and her arm hangs limply over her knees. Every now and then, she’ll sigh deeply, shift a little, and occasionally make a little noise.

Lexa can’t keep her eyes off of her.

Not that she’s really trying to.

It’s because she’s watching her that she notices the whimpers become more frequent, sees the expression on her face become distressed – when she darts up, gasping, Lexa isn’t too surprised.

Clarke’s glancing around in panic, and something in the back of Lexa’s mind makes a connection.

“It’s okay,” she says, shuffling over a little, “It’s okay. You’re safe.”

The words leave her mouth before she even realizes – it’s second nature to her, this isn’t the first time Clarke has woken like this, nor is it the first time Lexa comforts her in just the right way. Though it’s been years, Lexa still remembers Clarke's nightmares, and quietly moves as close as she can dare, to allow Clarke to touch her – to hug her.

She doesn’t expect the hug till she’s suddenly engulfed in it, Clarke’s arms around her neck and Clarke’s face in her shoulder. Lexa freezes at the contact, then melts into her touch, glad that Clarke can’t see the relief and pain in her face as she slowly returns the gesture and hugs her former best friend back.

The pain is both emotional and physical – though Lexa would never push Clarke away, she can’t ignore the fact that her shoulder is inflamed in pain as Clarke presses against it.

“Thanks,” Clarke mumbles when she withdraws, looking shy and jumpy. “I didn’t expect you’d-“ she pauses, noticing the grimace on Lexa’s face. “Oh shit, your shoulder- how is it?”

Lexa shrugs. “Hurts.”

Clarke frowns. “How much?”

“Not particularly much.”

“That’s a lie.”

“Maybe.”

“Fine, suit yourself,” Clarke sighs, though there’s no real frustration or annoyance in her voice.

There’s a moment of silence.

“How long was I asleep?”

“I don’t know,” Lexa tells her. “Maybe an hour?”

Clarke nods. “Do you think they’ve noticed we’re missing?”

“They must have, I was supposed to take my group on a scavenger hunt.”

“Do you think they’ll find us here?”

“They have to,” Lexa tells her. “I mean, that bear can’t be there forever…”

“Yeah, neither can I,” Clarke mutters. “At some point, one of us is gonna have to go to the bathroom.”

Lexa’s eyes widen. “Shit.”

“Yeah.”

A growl right outside the wall where they’re sitting surprises them both, and Clarke scrambles away from the wall, grabbing Lexa’s sleeve and pulling her along. “It can’t come through walls, right?”

“I don’t think so…” Lexa gulps. “I don’t know.”

Clarke lets out a whimper and buries her face in her hands. “I’m tired.”

Lexa glances at her, curled up with her face in her hands, and sighs. “I’m too.”

She lies down on the dusty floor, on her back, and after a while, Clarke does so as well. For a long while, neither of them speaks. Minutes pass in silence as they both stare at the ceiling, both unsure of what to say or do.

Outside, the evening begins to cool, and the bear settles back in front of the door with a growl.

“Lexa?”

Lexa’s startled by the break in the silence, and for a moment doesn’t answer.

“Are you asleep?” Clarke whispers.

“No,” Lexa whispers back. “Why are you whispering?”

“In case you were sleeping,” Clarke answers. "So i wouldn't wake you."

For a second, there’s more silence.

“Were you going to say something?” Lexa asks, glancing to her side. She’s startled to find Clarke’s head turned her way, blue eyes watching her – she’s chewing her lip in contemplation, brows furrowed just the slightest bit. When Clarke notices her staring, she meets her eyes, and raises her brows.

“Uh…nevermind.”

“No, tell me,” Lexa insists. “It’s too quiet in here anyway.”

Clarke shrugs. “It’s nothing…”

“Come on.”

There’s a sigh, and pressing silence, and then – the question.

“Why didn’t you come back?”

Clarke doesn’t have to specify what she means. Lexa knows exactly what she means, and hearing the question is both crushing with guilt and pain.

“Um…”

Lexa stammers for words, for an excuse – she really does not know what to say.

“There had to be something.”

“I just didn’t feel like going,” Lexa sighs. “We’d drifted apart, and you had Finn and his friends, and I didn’t quite belong, and also, we were a bit tight on money. So I got a job instead and worked all summer to help out.”

Clarke’s quiet for a while too long.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it,” Lexa adds. “I should’ve.”

“Well, you’re not wrong about the drifting apart…I guess we just had our own lives to lead, huh?” Clarke says quietly.

“Yeah.”

“I thought you were mad at me, or something,” Clarke says after a while.

“I’m sorry.”

“So you weren’t mad?”

 _“_ Not at you, no,” Lexa says. “I was a teenager. Moody and anxious and I guess I got annoyed with your new friend group and didn’t handle it well.”

It wasn’t entirely a lie, and so Lexa’s satisfied with her answer.

“Well, then I guess there’s no reason for you to avoid me anymore,” Clarke says.

“I wasn’t-“

“Lexa, you would turn on your path and walk away whenever you saw me coming in the past days. Saying that wasn’t you avoiding me is just a blatant lie.”

“Ok, fine,” Lexa mutters.

“Wait! Shh- did you hear that?” Clarke asks, darting up. Lexa sits up too, and quiets down to listen.

“Lee-xa! Cla-arke!?”

They get up to the window, and catch sight of a group of people standing on the edge of the ravine, calling their names.

“We gotta get their attention somehow,” Clarke says, eyes darting around the cabin. She catches sight of an old oil lamp and a metal pole, and without further thought, goes over and hits the metal base of the lamp with the pole.

The metallic ringing is loud enough that the bear outside is awakened, and the search party starts approaching.

Ten minutes later, there’s a quiet shot, and another, and the bear outside falls to the ground, sedated to the next dimension. After getting the O.K. from the vet, Clarke and Lexa open the door, and taste fresh air for the first time in hours.

“Freedom! Finally!” Clarke sighs.

The trek back to camp is eased by the fact that at the top of the ravine they get to climb to the backs of two ATVs, and soon enough, they’re back at camp. It’s six in the evening, just in time for dinner, and just in time too.

“Aren’t you coming?” she asks Lexa, who seems to be walking a different way.

“I need to pee,” Lexa mutters. “Gotta go.”

She sprints off, and Clarke’s left to laugh quietly as she walks her way towards the dining hall. It’s not quite time for dinner, and so she pops in to her own cabin to lay down for a bit.

Before she can even really realize it, she’s fast asleep.

 

* * *

 

“Clarke never showed for dinner,” Raven observes as they’re finishing up their food. “She was okay, wasn’t she?”

Lexa shrugs. “Yeah. I thought she was coming here.”

“She might’ve fallen asleep.”

“Very possible. I’m exhausted.”

“You ready to go, Reyes?” Anya asks, coming up to the table. “My group’s off doing their own stuff till bedtime, I’m free, and I have the car keys.”

“Wait, what’s this?” Lexa asks.

“I had to bribe this jackass to take care of _your_ kids,” Anya grumbles.

“Bribe with what?”

“A beer.”

“Doesn’t she have a whole sixpack under her bed?”

“Yes, but I meant a beer in a bar,” Raven says. “Now, come on, I’ve had an exhausting day chasing little rugrats around.”

Lexa’s left all alone in the almost empty dining hall. She sighs, puts the last mouthful of fried rice in her mouth, and then heads to the cleaning area. She’s almost out when she thinks of something, and turns on her heel to go to the kitchen.

“Hey, Irma?”

The cook smiles at Lexa and points at the bowl of fruit on the counter. “Take your pick.”

“No, I’m not here for- well, I’ll take one,” Lexa says. “Clarke didn’t come for dinner. Is it alright if I take her a plate?”

“Take a box,” Irma tells her, pointing to a shelf. “Take as much as you want, and you can grab sodas from the fridge too.”

“Really?”

“Just don’t forget, I really love those plums you sometimes get from the farm down the road.”

“I won’t,” Lexa smiles. She piles a good portion of fried rice and beans into the takeaway box, grabs a fork and spoon and two Cokes from the fridge, and then heads out.

She’s not sure why she’s so concerned with Clarke’s wellbeing, but she shrugs her hesitance away and heads over to the nurse’s cabin. Her own campers are in the outdoor theatre, playing tag with Lincoln's campers, and she can hear their laughter as she makes her way across the darkened grounds.

She knocks on the door once, then twice, and waits. When there’s no answer, she kicks the door, loud enough that Clarke, in her own adjacent room, wakes up.

“Shit, I missed dinner,” Clarke curses as she scrambles over to the door. When she swings it open, she finds Lexa, a box of food and two sodas balanced on top of the box.

“You missed dinner.” She hands Clarke the box and takes one of the sodas from atop it into her free hand. “It's fried rice. I’m going to go sleep.”

“Thanks for the food,” Clarke stammers. “You didn’t need to.”

“You would’ve starved otherwise.”

“Well, thanks,” Clarke smiles.

Lexa lingers for a second, looking at her carefully. “Well, I’m gonna go – good night.”

“Good night, Lexa,” Clarke replies.

Lexa sneaks away, trying to keep her steps steady despite the butterflies in her stomach, and Clarke watches her go until she realizes her light is attracting moths, and shuts the door to go satisfy her growling stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forreal tho, i've been trapped in a cabin because of a bear and they're stubborn shits that won't leave and stink like a thousand wet dogs  
> also, lexa is a gay piece of sunshine and the little ranya interlude is a fun distraction, don't you think?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha it's been a while  
> sorry about that  
> but here's an update anyway

Lexa’s shoulder still hurts two days after the incident, and so Anya shoves her into a car and drives her to town to see a real doctor.

“I honestly don’t need to-“

“Clarke said you should get it checked out, I can’t believe you haven’t gotten to it yet,” Anya huffed.

“I’ve been busy.”

“I know, we’re all busy, but your shoulder is busted.”

Lexa shrinks into the seat and sighs. “I know.”

“And besides, I haven’t had time to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know,” Anya shrugs. “Maybe the fact that the girl you fell in love with and who then broke your heart is here, at camp, and that you got trapped into a cabin with her two days ago?”

Lexa shrugs. “It’s not like anything happened.”

“She’s been nice to you, you’ve been nice to her – just you two being civil and normal is a nice change, but it’s not what you implied earlier.”

“What do you mean?”

“Lex, the night she came to camp, you texted me and told me you wanted to go die in a hole.”

“I never said such a thing.”

“Are you really going to argue when you know I have evidence?”

Lexa rolls her eyes and looks out of the window. “So?”

“So, something changed.”

“We talked, that’s all.”

“And?”

“And…we’re cool.”

“Just cool?”

“She’s got a boyfriend, Anya.”

Anya huffs and taps her fingers on the steering wheel. “You’re annoying when you don’t talk, you know? I’m supposed to be the nonverbal one of the two of us.”

“I know, it’s a weird change,” Lexa chuckles. “And I’m sorry, but there’s nothing to talk about – Clarke and I just talked, and it was fine, and I’m fine-“

“You’re not fine, Lex, you’ve got that sad puppydog look in your eye.”

“I do not.”

“Yes, you do.”

“I don’t have a puppydog look-“

“Lexa, do you really want me to smack you?”

“No, but I want you to stop talking about Clarke.”

“Fine, I will.”

“Good, because I have a question. Where the fuck were you, the night before last? You weren’t in camp, and I heard a rumor about a certain Raven Reyes-“

Anya lets out a laugh. “There is no rumor. Everyone seems to know.”

“Know what? I don’t,” Lexa pouted.

“I bribed Raven to take care of _your_ kids by promising her a beer. In a bar.”

“You went to a bar?”

“Yeah.”

“With Raven?”

“Yes.”

“And you stayed the night?”

“What makes you think-“

“Anya, you weren’t there in the morning. I _saw_ you drive in at like seven.”

Anya sighs and doesn’t say anything for a while, focusing on turning at the right intersection. “Okay, yeah, we got too drunk to drive, and then we, you know – but she tricked me into it.”

“Tricked you how?”

Lexa is astonished to see Anya blush. Never in her life has she seen Anya blush. “What did she _do_?”

“I don’t think it’s appropriate for a child like you to hear,” Anya mutters.

“I’m four years younger than you!”

Anya sighs. “Fine. She put a shotglass in between her boobs, looked me in the eyes, and said ‘I dare you’. What was I supposed to do!?”

Lexa can’t help the rippling laughter that spills from her lips. “She enticed you with her boobs? Oh my god, Anya, you’re so gay!”

“Says you,” Anya mutters. “Or need I remind you of that time you literally fell off a roof because you saw Costia sunbathing on the dock?”

Now it’s Lexa’s turn to blush, and Anya snickers when she sees the tips of her ears go red.

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“You broke your leg in two places, Lex.”

“But-“

“Because of some boobs-“

“Okay, fine. Fine.”

“How is she, by the way?”

Lexa sighs and shrugs. “I think she’s in Malawi now. She’s fine, so far as I know.”

“You don’t talk?”

“Anya, when an ex says ‘let’s be friends’, they don’t really mean they want to be friends.”

“But you are, kind of? Right?”

“We’re facebook friends. And it’s not like there’s any hatred – it was a mutual decision. For real.”

“Fair enough. We’re here.”

Lexa sighs again. “I don’t like doctors.”

“I know. You’ve got your insurance card, right?”

“It’s always in my wallet, don’t be such a mom,” Lexa chuckles. “I’ll go.”

“I’ll pick you up in an hour? I’ve got some errands to run, now that I’m here.”

“Sure.”

-

An hour and a half later, Lexa has a new sling on her arm, a prescription for painkillers, and strict instructions to not use her left arm for anything whatsoever for the next two weeks.

Thankfully, she is right handed.

“It’s fine,” she tells Anya, tossing her bag in before climbing in herself. “My arm’s fine. You fussed too much.”

“No, I didn’t fuss, Clarke did,” Anya reminds her. “She’s the one who told me to drag you to the doctor.”

Lexa chooses not to comment on that, and instead focuses on setting up the airconditioning. It’s hot and humid, the air stands still and the dust flies up in clouds behind them once they leave the paved roads.

It’s a sleepy sort of weather, the kind where one wouldn’t really want to do anything at all. Lexa starts soon to doze off in her seat, head drooping a little – but then, all of a sudden, she sees a figure on the side of the road, and her heart more or less leaps to her throat.

“Anya, stop!”

Anya almost swerves off the road from the surprise, and stops the car as quickly as she could. “What the fuck!?”

But Lexa is already out of the car, running back to the figure she’d seen. Anya glances at it through the mirror and her eyes widen for a split second before she, too, whirls out of the car.

“What the _fuck_ is your sheep doing here?”

Lexa is staring at Marjorie with shock evident in every cell of her being.

Marjorie, on the other hand, is currently preoccupied by a particularly delicious-looking dandelion on the other side of the road.

“I- I don’t fucking know,” Lexa finally stammers. “She’s…it’s like fifty miles home, how did she-“

Anya shakes her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe your fucking sheep came all this way-”

“Did she come to see _me_?”

“I don’t know, it’s your damn sheep!”

“What do we do?”

Anya shrugs. “Call your mom?”

“Wait, first,” Lexa says. “You have to pick her up.”

“Why do I have to?” Anya complains. “She hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you.”

“She tried to kill me.”

“Anya, I can’t pick her up with this shoulder – please?”

Anya lets out a sigh. “Fine. But only because I love you, not because of her.”

“Just put your arms around her legs and lift her. It should be easy.”

Anya walks over, warily, and Marjorie of course picks up on her uneasiness – and darts off.

“Marjorie, no- wait, stop, Marjorie, I mean it- fucking Jesus, stop running-!”

Five minutes later, the sheep is in the back of the truck, and Anya is glaring at it with all her might.

“That was good,” Lexa chuckles, eyeing Anya. “You could use some practice.”

She turns to her sheep and gives her a pointed look.

“And you, stay,” Lexa huffs, pointing at the sheep. “I mean it.”

Marjorie just stares at her, chewing on the remains of the dandelion.

Anya isn’t too sure if Lexa knows that the sheep can’t understand her, or whether the sheep does actually understand.

“I’m calling Mom.”

Lexa pulls out her phone, not letting her eyes stray off of her sheep the entire time that she waits for her mother to pick up.

“Hiya, sweetie. How’s camp?”

“Hi Mom,” Lexa smiles. “Camp’s good, as always. How is everything at home?”

“Oh, just good,” her mother says. “Aside from the lack of rain, but I’m sure we’ll get some soon.”

“And how’s Marj?”

Now there is a long pause.

“Marj is…”

“Yes?”

“Okay, Lexa, don’t get worried…but I haven’t seen Marjorie for a few days. But she does that, sometimes, she goes off on her own – I’m sure she’ll be back-“

“Mom, Marjorie is here.”

“What?”

That is where Lexa loses it - she can’t hold the laughter anymore, nor can Anya, and it is a long while before Lexa is able to gather herself enough to answer her mother’s questions.

“What do you mean Marjorie is there?”

“She’s here, we saw her on the side of the road when we were coming back from the doctor-“

“The doctor? Lexa, are you sick?”

Lexa pales.

She’d forgotten to tell her mother about the bear incident.

“No, Mom, I , uh…I dislocated my shoulder- it’s not a big deal, no, Mom, listen, it’s fine, my shoulder is fine, I’m fine-“

“Lexa-!”

“Mom, I’m fine.”

“That’s what you said when you were three and you’d fallen out of a tree, and you were bleeding so profusely you needed four stitches. So forgive me for not believing you when you say you’re fine-“

“Would you believe it if Anya told you?”

“Yes, in fact, I would.”

Lexa shoves the phone at Anya. “There. Convince my mother that I’m not about to join Jesus in heaven.”

Anya tries to shove the phone back to Lexa, but Lexa jumps out of her way and gives her a pointed look that more or less says: ‘do it now or I’m dead and you’ll probably be dead too’.

And so Anya just sighs, picks up the phone, and smiles. “Hi, Mrs. Woods. Yes, she’s actually fine – I had to drag her to the doctor, but she had her x-rays and exams and she’s fine, she just needs to lay off heavy duty work for a few weeks- yes, Marjorie is actually here, no, we do not know how she got here- and yes, I’ll make sure Lexa takes her vitamins.”

After a long while, Anya finally handed the phone back to Lexa.

“Now do you believe me, Mom?”

“I do, baby, but you understand my worry, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“But what are you going to do about Marjorie? We can come pick her up next week, you know how busy we are now-“

“I know, Mom, it’s no rush – I’ll figure something out. Worst-case scenario, the kids get a mascot for the week.”

Lexa hears her mother chuckle. “Good luck with that. She bites.”

“She bit Anya once, that’s it.”

“And your uncle Nyko-“

“Only because she was trying to eat a carrot and he stuck his hand in the way.”

“I know. But I have to go, plenty of work to do.”

“I know. Bye, Mom.”

“Love you. Stay safe.”

“I won’t die, Mom.”

“I know.”

“But I love you, anyway.”

Lexa hangs up the phone and looks at Anya. “We have to take her back to camp.”

Anya throws her hands up in the air. “You get to tell Indra.”

 

* * *

 

So it turns out that Indra is a great fan of sheep. Lexa would’ve never guessed, nor would’ve Anya – but when Lexa calls her and tells her about her sheep-situation, Indra’s only answer is “we’ll see, but if she’s friendly, she can stay”.

Lexa knows, everyone knows, that Indra isn’t as strict as she likes to make herself appear. And the fact that upon seeing Marjorie she crouches and gives her a hug of sorts only confirms that, really, she’s quite soft.

“My mom said she could come pick her up next week,” Lexa tells her. “And I can keep her in a lead until then, or build a makeshift fold – it wouldn’t take much, just some planks and-“

“Sheepsie!”

And then, before any of them can do anything about it, a group of children has surrounded them, Aden at the forefront of them all.

“Is this your sheep, Miss Lexa?” someone asks.

“She looks so soft-“

“Does she bite?”

“Can we pet him?”

“Her,” Lexa corrects them. “And wait, let’s give her a little bit of space.”

The group of kids moves back a little. Monty, who had been looking after them, shares a confused look with Anya, whose only response is a shrug and a smirk.

“What’s her name?”

Lexa moves the end of the makeshift lead she’d made up from rope to her other hand and smiles. “Her name is Marjorie.”

“Is she nice?”

“Maybe, but she can get scared and bite you-“

Some of the kids pull away at that, but only a few, and Lexa crouches by Marjorie. “But…if you guys make a line, you can come pet her, if you want – she’s nice, she just doesn’t like to get overwhelmed.”

There’s some commotion as the kids make up a line, fighting to be at the front.

Of all the kids, it somehow ends up being Aden, the littlest of them all, that gets pushed up front.

“Are you sure she doesn’t bite?” he asks, eyeing Marjorie curiously. “And why are her eyes square?”

 

* * *

 

A good half an hour later, the kids are carted off, and Lexa is left alone with Anya, Indra, and her sheep.

“You can probably ask Raven about materials for the pen,” Indra tells her. “I have some work, but, um…good luck.”

Anya chuckles and tells Lexa to keep her sheep away from her before going off to find her own kids. “Arts and crafts, I think,” she sighs. “With glitter. Please don’t make fun of me when I come out looking like a rainbow barfed on me.”

And then Lexa is left alone with Marjorie.

Of course it is at that precise moment that Clarke walks past them – and then does a double take.

“Is that a sheep?”

Lexa shrugs. “What else could it be?”

Clarke frowns and looks at the sheep. “I don’t know, I could be hallucinating.”

“You’re not, this is-“

“Marjorie, right? Yeah, I remember,” Clarke smiles, crouching in front of the sheep and giving it a little rub. “Why’d you bring her here?”

Lexa sighs. “I didn’t. She decided to come here, herself.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I wish I was.”

“How old is she, anyway? You got her right before you-” Clarke pauses.

“Right before I stopped coming to camp, yeah,” Lexa finishes for her. “So she’s seven, now.”

“She looks so fluffy. Although that look in her eye…she looks smart.”

“She is,” Lexa sighs. “And annoying.”

Clarke straightens up and offers Lexa a little smile. “I can imagine.”

“No, you really can’t,” Lexa tells her.

“Maybe you’ll tell me, some time?”

Lexa almost forgets how to speak for the few seconds it takes her to think of something to say – Clarke’s smile is just so soft and warm and inviting and it forces Lexa’s heart to do all sorts of things that she doesn’t want it to do.

“Yeah, sure.”

Clarke gives Lexa’s arm a little squeeze. “I’m glad we’re talking again.”

And then she’s off, leaving Lexa in a state of confusion and what could only be described as gay panic.

Clarke touched her. Clarke’s hand had been so soft and so reassuring, and Lexa had noticed the slight scent of shampoo on her – she must’ve only just have come from the shower, her hair had been wet and Lexa had noticed but hadn’t thought much of it until that point.

“Come on, Marj,” Lexa mutters, pulling on the lead. “Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke sits at the edge of a field, watching as Lexa and Raven worked on building a pen for Marjorie on the other side. It’s technically her break. She’s technically drawing – but her sketchbook is blank, her pencilcase is untouched by her side, and her mind isn’t anywhere near thinking about drawing.

No, she’s watching as Lexa sits in a fold-out lawn chair and gives Raven orders on how to make the pen. She’s listening as Raven grumbles and complains, as Raven tells Lexa so many times that she knows how to make a ‘fuckin’ sheep prison’ – she’s laughing to herself, quietly, and when Lexa glances over at her, she almost drops everything in her lap.

But Lexa just offers her a smile, and Clarke smiles back, waving a little with her hand before turning her eyes back to the sketchbook.

They don’t stop there. They move on to look at the pencilcase, and the next thing Clarke knows, she’s staring at the sketch she drew when she was twelve, of Lexa – it’s terrible, it was made haphazardly with a marker on fabric, but it’s still relatively true to reality. And there, next to it, is a purple heart, inside of which it reads: “LEX RULEZ”

The e looks like a 3, and next to the text there is a small XD. They were young. It was the early 2000’s. It was the time when everything had to end with a z and o’s were replaced with 0’s.

A cringeworthy time, really. But a time that Clarke has good memories from, lots of them.

Most of them with Lexa.

She sighs and leans back against the tree, reaching for her phone instead of her sketchbook. She’ll try again in a while. The sun is shining, it’s beautiful outside, and she’s in no rush. If someone needs her, she’ll get a phone call.

Which she does, within moments of picking up her phone.

“Hey?”

“Hey, Clarke,” Finn replies on the other end. “How’s your day?”

“Good, yours?”

“Great, I’m just looking at the greatest view…tell me, how’s the drawing going?”

Clarke frowns. “How do you know I’m trying to draw?”

She looks around, and spots a boat in the middle of the lake, and a familiar figure in it. “Oh.”

“Surprised ya,” Finn laughs. “How are things with the ex?”

“Huh?”

“Lexa. Your ex-bestie?”

“Oh. Right. I- I think it’s fine.”

“You should properly hang out with her, Clarke. Talk. Ask her to go kayaking with you, or something.”

“Why are you being so supportive of this?”

“Because I know it’s bugging you, Clarke – I know you.”

Clarke smiled. “Well, I know that.”

“So…go over and talk to Lexa. Now seems like a good time, she isn’t doing anything – ask her to just talk. A walk could work.”

“Stop being such a stalker,” Clarke laughed, “And get back to your fishing.”

“I can’t, I dropped all my bait in the lake.”

“So tan or something. I’m gonna go.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Clarke lets out a sigh as she sets her phone down and leans back against the tree behind her, settling into the cool shadow it provides. The sun on her legs is blaring hot, but most of her is in the shadow, and, soon enough, she dozes off.

She wakes up a few minutes later to a gentle touch on her shoulder and a familiar voice.

“Hey, Clarke.”

Clarke opens her eyes to find Lexa’s face close to her own, and yelps in surprise, drawing back and hitting her head against the tree. “What-“

“Hey, easy,” Lexa says, taking a step back. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No, no, I just didn’t expect you to be so close, it’s okay-“

“I just came by to give you a creamsicle.”

Clarke looks at the ice cream in Lexa’s hand and frowns.

“How did you get one? I begged the cafeteria ladies but they wouldn’t budge, they said they have a certain amount and can’t just give them away-“

“I have my charm,” Lexa smiles. “And a busted shoulder. The victim card always works.”

“Oh, you devil,” Clarke laughs. “Didn’t you get one for yourself, though?”

“I did, and one for Raven, since she’s working so hard.”

“Oh, how nice.”

“I’ll go. Sorry I woke you up.”

Lexa walks off, and Clarke is left to try and steady her racing heart. She unwraps the ice cream and tries to focus on that instead of what she’d dreamt of, tries her best to forget about it entirely…but she can’t.

She can’t forget the fact that in her dream, she had held Lexa’s hand, and how good it had felt.

She can’t stop herself from thinking back to how it had felt to lean in and kiss Lexa – in her dream, of course, she’d never done it in real life.

Not that she hasn’t thought of it.

She’d just forgotten she had, until the moment she woke up to find Lexa crouched way too close to her, smelling like oranges and sunshine and pine trees, smiling so brightly Clarke’s heart skipped a beat.

“It’s just because of the dream,” she sighs, staring up at the branches overhead. “Just because of that.”

_She’s just familiar and easy, and she is pretty,_ that’s what she used to tell herself when she’d catch herself thinking about leaning further in and closing the distance and kissing Lexa and tasting her mango-flavored chapstick.

She doesn’t tell herself that now. She can’t – Lexa isn’t familiar anymore, she’s a memory, there’s so much more to her that is new and unfamiliar, more grown-up. She’s still the same person, but with six more years of life behind her, six years that Clarke knows barely anything of.

Six years, during which Lexa has dated women.

Clarke groans, realizing she’s gone a full circle. She wants to think of something else, but can’t, not when she can see Lexa each time she looks up.

She decides she’ll think about it later.

When her phone buzzes, Clarke is glad to have any sort of distraction.

**Finn(05:58 p.m.)**

_I need to talk to you, later. Pick you up at 8?_

**Clarke (05:59 p.m.)**

_Staff game night tonight. We can talk before, though? At seven?_

**Finn (05:59 p.m.)**

_Sure thing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MARJORIE IS MY FAVORITE OK
> 
> also clarke is about to enter confusion-town
> 
> it's gonna get fun just you wait

**Author's Note:**

> don't forget to leave kudos & comments, and if you wanna find me on tumblr, it's clexy-polarbear


End file.
